Write Your Own Adventure

Here's my attempt at this experiment. It was a lot of fun, and hopefully the result isn't too confusing for anyone reading it. Enjoy!

You enter a dark maze. It’s part cornfield, part haunted house, part multi dimensional nightmare. Suddenly, 2 ghosts appear. One is an old woman who keeps smiling like she wants to taste your blood (if a ghost can do that). The other is a young girl who smiles sweetly at you. Both offer to lead you through the maze to freedom. Which do you choose?

The Old Woman, knowledge is power! – go to part 1

The Little Girl, she’s so cute! – go to part 2

Part 1

The old woman leads you through the maze. She looks like she knows where she’s going at least. Though the sneaky, malicious looks she keeps giving you are making your blood run cold. Maybe you made the wrong choice after all. Finally she stops and thanks you for choosing her as your guide in a voice like a creaky for. She offers you a key that she claims will help you find freedom. Do you take it or not?

Take the key – go to part 3

Don’t take the key – go to part 4

Part 2

The Little Girl skips ahead of you happily. Whenever you ask her where she’s taking you she just smiles and says to trust her. She’s adorable, but you’re not entirely sure she knows where she’s going. Finally she leads you to a trap door. The hinges creak as you open it. It’s so dark that you can’t see anything down there, but you swear you can hear groaning. Do you follow her into the trapdoor?

Yes! – go to part 5

No! – go to part 6

Part 3

She cackles happily as you accept her gift and leads you further into the maze. Finally, you come to a ladder. It’s not resting against any wall, but stands seemingly unsupported in thin air. It goes up so high that you can’t even see the top. She points at it and smiles in a way that you’re sure is supposed to be comforting. “Climb my dearie.” She says. “Up there is freedom. Do you climb?

Hell no – go to part 7

I’m not scared of heights! I’ll do it! – go to part 8

Part 4

Unfortunately you have angered the Old Woman Ghost. She flies into a murderous rage and kills you. Who knew a ghost could do that? What do you do?

I want to try again! – go to beginning of book

I’m pissed! – go to the comments section to yell at the author

Part 5

“I’m glad you trust me,” she says in a half singsong voice as she skips ahead of you. “No one ever has before.” This comment is both heart breaking and terrifying. Maybe more terrifying since you can’t see anything at all in the darkness. The Little Girl notices this and points to a candle that appears seemingly out of no where, floating in the dark a little too conveniently to be entirely trusted. Do you light it?

Yes, duh – go to section 9

No, I make it a rule to never trust floating candles – go to section 10

Part 6

“Ok,” she says, her lower lip trembling. “I thought you trusted me.” She sniffs sadly. “No one has ever trusted me before.” This is heartbreaking, but because your heart is made of stone, you decide to stand by your instincts and continue through the maze on your own (anything to avoid going down into that trapdoor). So you leave her crying and start wandering the halls of the maze. Suddenly a door appears in front of you. Luckily not a trapdoor this time, but still, a random floating door is suspicious to say the least. Do you knock?

Yes, what could go wrong? – go to section 11

No way. They obviously don’t want visitors anyway. – go to section 12

Part 7

The Old Woman flies into a murderous rage and kills you. She doesn’t like to have her orders questioned. What do you do? – no, sorry, never mind. You have no more options. You’re dead. Sorry.

Part 8

You climb, and climb, and climb and climb and climb and climb and climb and climb and climb, and climb and climb and climb and climb and climb and climb and climb, and climb and climb and climb and climb and climb and climb and climb, and climb and climb and climb and climb and climb and climb and climb, and climb and climb and climb and climb and climb and climb and climb, and climb and climb and climb and climb and climb and climb and climb, and climb and climb and climb and climb

Finally, when you feel like it’d be easier to just let go and fall you make it to the top. You lay on your back breathing hard as the Old Woman laughs. In her day, apparently, kids didn’t get tired so easy. Probably because they didn’t play on their phones 24/7. You finally regain your breath enough to argue with her, but before you can get out a word, a demon appears out of nowhere, grabs the key and takes off with it. What do you do?

Chase him! – go to part 13

Let him have it, and good riddance – go to part 14

Part 9

You light the candle and finally get to see your surroundings. Unfortunately, it wasn’t soon enough to save you from the angry skeleton tiger that has been stalking you for the last ten minutes. He will eat well tonight. Can a skeleton tiger can consume food? It doesn’t matter. Either way, you’re dead. What do you do?

Debate whether or not a skeleton tiger can consume food – You’re going to his stomach either way, so why bother arguing?

Complain about the Little Ghost Girl! Why did she bring me down here anyway? – go to her page on Yelp to leave a review. You see thousands of negative reviews already there. Some memorable ones are “AHHHHHHH!!!!!!”, “I’m too young to die!!!”, and “The wait was long and the prices were way too high.”

Part 10

You decide not to light the candle. Unfortunately, without any light, you run headfirst into a wall and die of a particularly nasty concussion. Did your parents never teach you to walk with your arms out in front of you so you don’t run into things?

Part 11

You knock on the door, dreading whatever abomination of hell that will probably answer. Instead, an old man with sparkling eyes and a cheery voice opens the door. He invites you inside and feeds you a wonderful meal. Apparently, his children have been putting off coming to visit him and he’s lonely. He’s so glad to see another person that he offers you a magic key. He says that it will help you escape the maze.

What do you do?

Take it, obviously. Even if he’s lying or crazy, it would be mean to refuse – go to part 15

Refuse it – go to part 16

Part 12

The usually very nice man who lives behind the door was offended that you walked by without visiting. He kills you. Oh well, at least now you can get your revenge by haunting him for the rest of his life.

Part 13

You chase after the demon and tackle it. After a brief struggle, you emerge victorious! Who’s lazy now Old Lady Ghost? After you take another breather, a small demon appears and thanks you for killing the king demon. Apparently, he’d been a brutal dictator who had run the demon world with an iron fist. As a token of gratitude, he offers to lead you to the shortest way out. The Old Woman doesn’t trust him, and yes, he’s a demon, but he seems trustworthy. Right? What do you do?

Follow him. You took out the king demon pretty easily. Even if this guy is lying, you’ve got this – go to section 17

Politely decline. You can never trust demons – go to section 18

Part 14

The upside to not challenging a demon to a fight over a stupid key: not challenging a demon to a fight and possibly dying. The downside: the Old Woman won’t let you hear the end of it. Now your generation are pushovers as well as lazy.

Eventually she leads you to two pillars that each have a bottle of liquid on them. She says that one will kill you and the other will transport you to freedom. Both liquids look exactly the same, except one has a label that says, “Don’t drink me” and the other has the inscription “Please don’t drink me.” One has death and one has freedom. Which do you choose? No pressure.

“Please don’t drink me” obviously. The other one is just plain rude, bossing you around like that. At least this one had the decency to say please – go to part 19

“Don’t drink me” The ‘please’ seems suspicious. It’s probably a reverse psychology thing – go to part 20

Part 15

The man breaks into a smile when you accept his gift. “ I wish my kids were more like you.” He said patting you on the back. Then, he gives you a bag of cookies “for the journey,” he says and leads you toward another door in the back of his house.

“This is the door to freedom.” He said, smiling wisely. “And you know how to open it.”

 You take the key he just gave you, and insert it in the lock. The door opens, and you see blue sky and a beautifully normal world through it! The man hugs you, and sends you through the door calling after you, “enjoy the cookies!”

You won! Congratulations! Knocking on stranger’s doors and accepting their food is a good idea!

Part 16

He kills you. Apparently you remind him of his ungrateful, good-for-nothing children who never visit. Enjoy your death!

Part 17

The demon leads you to two pillars that each have a bottle of liquid on them. He says that one will kill you and the other will transport you to freedom. Both liquids look exactly the same, except one has a label that says, “Don’t drink me” and the other has the inscription “Please don’t drink me.” When you ask which is which, he only giggles uncontrollably. You ask the Old Woman Ghost, but she’s gone into a sullen silence ever since you chose to ignore her and follow the demon. You’re on your own. You turn back to the bottles. One has death and one has freedom. Which do you choose? No pressure.

“Don’t drink me” demons don’t seem the type to say please, so it’s suspicious that they start now. “Don’t drink me” is much clearer – go to section 21

“Please don’t drink me” obviously. “Don’t drink me” is a clearer warning, right? Or are you just making things up now? Be honest, it won “eeny, meeny, miny moe”, didn’t it? – go to section 22

Part 18

Maybe you can’t trust demons, but apparently you shouldn’t trust ghosts either. With the Old Woman as you guide you end up wandering through the maze until you die. Take comfort in the fact that the next person probably won’t find a way out either.

Part 19

You chose…..poorly. You watch as your hands slowly start turning into claws before you eyes. Your skin erupts into scales. As the last shred of your humanity flickers away, you realize that you’re turning into a demon. You realize with your new demon brain, that demons don’t care about being polite, so the word please was an obvious give away. You should have known better honestly. Enjoy being a demon!

Part 20

You chose……..wisely. Suddenly, you are transported in a flash of light. When you regain your vision, you’re standing in front of a door. The Old Woman claps inaudibly (she’s still mad at you after all). You suddenly remember the gift she gave you and pull out the key. It fits perfectly into the lock and you open the door. It opens into your room. The familiarity is perfect compared to the maze. You nod respectfully to the Old Woman and thank her for her services. Then, you slip into your room and shut the door behind you before she can get through. She was helpful and all, but you really don’t want her to be a regular part of your life.

Congrats! You won!

Part 21

You drink from the “don’t drink me” cup, which seems oddly counter intuitive. Suddenly, you are transported in a flash of light. When you regain your vision, you’re standing in front of a door. You chose the right bottle! You confidently walk toward the door and try to open it, but it’s locked. You turn to the Old Woman Ghost for help but she just crosses her arms and shakes her head, “You shouldn’t have lost the key.” She says. The gravity of your mistake comes crashing all around you like hail. Or is that actual hail? The weather is odd in the maze, yeah; I think that’s actual hail. Regardless, losing the key has grave consequences. You can spend the rest of your life pondering that as you waste away in front of the door, slowly losing your sanity.

Part 22

You drink from the “please don’t drink me cup” and the result is instantaneous. You feel your body turning into nothing. Before you can think to take your last breath you are a ghost. You try to feel your transparent chest, but there’s nothing to feel and your hands go through it. The Old Woman cackles, “Good! Now I’ll have some company!” And she leads you back into the maze, launching into another rant about your generation. Good luck! You’ll need it.